glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
