So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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