So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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