Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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