he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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