im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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