If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
