So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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