I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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