but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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