How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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