fuck your aforementioned shoe
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
