We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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