My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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