i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
