Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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