Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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