How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
