Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
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Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
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I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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