the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
