I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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