I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I wish you could order shots online.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
