The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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