the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
