I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
