but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
