It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
