I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My vagina just recognized that song.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Randomize
