you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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