Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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