I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
