May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
