I faked an abortion last night.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
