New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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