To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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