My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
