My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
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He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
there is puke in my bra ... again
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