I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
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