Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I love having hate sex.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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