It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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