You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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