I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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