I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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