just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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