I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
