Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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