He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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