yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize