At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
