I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Sober January is a disaster.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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