Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
