It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
