Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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