No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Randomize
