people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm always down for nudity.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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