we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
