Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
