oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
