He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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