my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
