I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
