if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Randomize
