I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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