xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
