I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
My bed smells like the plague
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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