i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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