I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if only i could text you this smell
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
