Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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