you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize