And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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