My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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