So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
