just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
40s are totally the cure
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
