So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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