I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
