Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just sent this text using only my big toe
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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